BIP
by Lor Lupin
Summary: AU. MERTHUR.- This is Arthur's answering machine. Leave a message and I'll call you back. BIP.- Sue's gift for her twenties


**WARNINGS: SLASH! Male x male relationship. AU.**

**My first fic in english. Also a gift for Sue's birthay, love you honey ;)**

**BIP**

_This is Arthur's answering machine, I'm not home or doesn't want to talk you either way, you jackass. Leave a message and maybe I'll call you back. BIP._

**Hi, Arthur, it's me again. And I know I've already left you 12 messages before but you've turned off your cell and I really need to talk about it, ok?**

**I know shagging is not a big deal to you but I don't want us to be weird, and you hadn't call in all day, and yesterday was "Glee night" and waited for you to come with Chinese… Finn was just hot during that song, didn't he?**

**C'mon. I know you're there! It's 5.15 PM, you're not clubbing yet, but finished the work already, and it's not Friday, so you're not at the convenient store to fill the fridge, either with Morgana, already called her.**

**Could you just pick the phone and, I don't know… talk for instance?**

**This is insane.**

**It's pizza night.**

**You're not missing pizza night, do you?**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. I go to the convenient store whenever I want, so I'm there right now. Don't leave more messages or the fucking machine will be filled and explode. I don't really want to talk, but Finn was great. Also, it's Mexican night. BIP._

**Arthur, you're being childish and hurting, not that's the first time. **

**You can't be at the convenient store because your lights are on and you're watching television, asshole. Open the door, it's just your adoptive sister who tries to infuse some sense into your head before you lose the only friend apart from the lousy college football team, that you have.**

**Love, Morgana.**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. I'm in the middle of an horrifying brother and sister talk that I hate. Don't bother in send her anymore. BIP._

**I'm sorry she's there but I didn't know what to do. This is the first time I don't talk to you for more than 24 hours since second year of college, when you dated that horrible git…Shopia? Whatever, you called weeping because you didn't want me to feel bad for not commenting the last Doctor Who episode with me. I know, it was awesome.**

**Anyway, I miss you.**

**Please, call back.**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. I just need some time to think about stuff. And I didn't weep, I just caught a bad cold. I'll call, promise, just wait until I'm ready. BIP._

**You can't be serious!**

**You're always hanging at bars and fucking everyone who gives you a wink, just because we kind of… I mean, I don't remember well what really happened, and you had too many lemon vodkas, so I guess neither do you. It was a mistake, I get that, but you're overreacting a little bit too much. **

**It's been 27 hours without talking to you, I haven't even told you about Brenda's incident with the toilet in the second floor. And it's hilarious.**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. Why it always happens to Brenda? That girl have the gips or something. Good try, but I'm not answering. BIP._

**YOU'RE A PRICK!**

**And I'm not referring to…**

**Anyways, I'm done with this.**

**You want to think about it? Right.**

**Is not you who have a fucking pain in the ass which makes me move like a dizzy duck. I mean, I also have to think about stuff, you…**

**I mean, I…**

**You know what?**

**I'm not telling you this in a fucking message for you answering trough a machine.**

**It's been a while since we know each other, like six years, and when I saw you for the first time in Mr. Whackels Linguistics class at first year, I though you were a snobbish ass and then, somehow, we were talking about Buffy Vampire Slayer everyday and went to the Comicon with cosplay… We're still going, right? Because my Joker's costume is too good to keep it in the closet. I don't really want to talk about closets.**

**You've always been ok with that, though.**

**Please, answer the phone…**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to… It's being weird in my head lately and then the other night just… I really don't want to hurt you. BIP._

**Arthur, this is Gwen. I'm really worried about you, it was Mexican night, there were burritos and tequila and you were not there. Lancelot missed you too. Is something wrong? You never miss the chance to eat jalapenos. Are you sick or something? Merlin doesn't want to talk about it.**

**Don't know what's about the message, but is it about him?**

**What the hell is going on?**

_This is Arthur answering machine. It's none of your business. BIP._

**You'd better have talked to Merlin already or I'll rip off your liver and cook it salted with pepper. **

**Love.**

**Morgana.**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. Shut up everyone. BIP._

**Hey mate! How's life going? Gwen is making me crazy about you being in trouble with Merlin. Is this because his major crush with you? Because everybody knew for ages, it's nothing. I think this Gary guy whose dating with will get you out of his mind, he's like that Jensen Ackles from Supernatural.**

_This is Arthur's answering machine. Who the fucking hell is Gary?. BIP._

**You have talked to Lancelot, haven't you?**

**That's just great.**

**I'm not dating Gary, Lancelot bring him yesterday because he thinks I need to meet somebody and have a healthy relationship which involves tons of gay sex, but it's not my type or anything… Not that I have a type… I mean, I'm not interested in having a relationship right now, not with someone who is not you…**

**Ok, I've said it.**

**Just, don't freak out, I didn't meant …**

**-**_Melin?_

**-Yeah?**

-_Shut up_

_This is Arthur's and Merlin's answering machine. We are not home or just busy having sex right now. Leave your message and maybe we will return your call in about seven hours._

**Arthur, it's the father who still waits for you to come to the office where you work and explain him what the hell is that disgusting message. Call back or I'll get you fired.**

**END**

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